I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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