Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
