If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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