i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
