saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
