Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
