dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
