1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
