Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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