Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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