I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
