I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize