i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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