Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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