I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
