I love black thongs
so let's talk penis.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
