just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
