She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
