first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
