dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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