I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
