i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
