So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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