census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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