would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
