that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
