I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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