she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
