ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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