and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
