sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
