tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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