It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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