you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
