we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize