i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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