My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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