There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
