just tell him i said nine months
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
