Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
