If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
