Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
