the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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