Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
