Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
