All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
40s are totally the cure
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
