You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
