oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
