my vag is so smooth its legendary
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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