fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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