Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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