Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
