I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
third nipple confirmed
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How does one acquire holy water?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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