We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
