I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
