i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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