Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
