good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I understand Curling. That high.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
