This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize