so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
