please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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