i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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