I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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