When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
