mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
