I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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