shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize