I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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