Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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