We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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