I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
